Q: How do you upset Heather Mills?
A: Nick Clegg.
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Q: A group of chess enthusiasts were kicked out of a hotel reception for discussing their winning games.
A: The manager can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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Q: Why do condoms have the bit at the end?
A: So you can take it off with your foot
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Q: How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, the other to stand there and say “Yeah! You look big man! You look big!”
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Watching the World Cup is a lot like being married. You’re supposed to enjoy it but there’s a constant droning sound in the background…
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Isn’t it funny how women change.
I never really noticed it until I set up my webcam in Top Shop.
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Q: What turns a nine stone weakling into a seventeen stone man of steel?
A: Polio.
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Q: What’s harder than learning to rollerblade?
A: Having to tell your mum and dad that you are gay…
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Q: Why wouldn’t Eva Braun give Adolf a blowjob?
A: He always left a Nazi taste in her mouth.
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Q: How do you upset Nick Clegg?
A: Tell anyone who asks that you’re going to vote for him, then vote UKIP or Rantzen or something, so he’s forced to take a job with either the least popular government since the Tories, or worse still, the Tories.
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