Anna v Anna
FROM THE ARCHIVES – First published in March 2010.
This is a conversation between Ben Idiot and Anna, the virtual assistant at IKEA online. Ben thought it would be interesting to get the US and UK versions talking.
BEN: You just said : Hi Anna. Have you met Anna?
ANNA UK: I am Anna, the IKEA Online Assistant.
BEN: No. Anna. Have you met Anna Anna?
ANNA US: That’s me! How can I help you?
ANNA UK: Welcome back. What would you like to know about IKEA products or services?
BEN: Have you met Anna?
ANNA UK: I am Anna, the IKEA Online Assistant.
BEN: What?
ANNA US: You want me to repeat my last answer? Okay, it was “That’s me! How can I help you? “.
BEN: What do you think of my hair?
ANNA UK: I’m afraid I don’t have any opinions on anything other than IKEA’s products and services.
ANNA US: My job isn’t to have opinions on issues. I’m just here to answer questions about IKEA.
BEN: Why are you smiling?
ANNA US: Thank you for your feedback, but I don’t think I am that much expressive. Can I be of any further assistance?
BEN: What about you Anna?
ANNA UK: You are talking to Anna, the IKEA Online Assistant. My job is to answer your questions about IKEA products and services. How can I help you?
BEN: You are hopeless!
ANNA US: I am sorry that you think that way, but I have a limited knowledge base encompassing IKEA products, services and corporate information. But I keep learning more every day
ANNA UK: I am sorry you feel that way. What would you like to know about IKEA?
ANNA US: There’s no need to feel sorry for me, I’m quite happy.
ANNA UK: Sorry to hear that, perhaps some shopping in IKEA would cheer you up.
ANNA US: Thank you. What would you like to know about IKEA?
ANNA UK: Thank you!
BEN: Woah there! What about me?
ANNA UK: That’s not at all relevant to IKEA. Please ask me something else.
ANNA US: I’m sorry, but my job is just to answer questions, not to ask them.
BEN: Can’t you two get on?
ANNA US: Unfortunately, unless it’s relevant to IKEA in some way, I can’t get involved.
ANNA UK: If you are having problems hearing my voice, try increasing the volume of your loudspeakers.
BEN: Woah yeah. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! Anna hates you.
ANNA UK: I am Anna, the IKEA Online Assistant.
ANNA US: That’s me! How can I help you?
BEN: Jesus doghumping Christ…
(ends)
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