Anna versus Rebekah Brooks

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This is a conversation between Ben Idiot and Anna, the virtual assistant at IKEA online.

BEN: Hi Anna. What’s your opinion on Rebekah Brooks?
ANNA: I will now try to help you to find the closest IKEA store to your home. Can you tell me the first three characters of your postal code (e.g. K1A)?

BEN: So are you saying she is now working at IKEA?
ANNA: For more information and a list of current job opportunities, please take a look at the web page that I’m opening for you now.

BEN: Should I send them on to Rebekah?
ANNA: There are many different methods of communication, some faster than others. If you need to communicate with IKEA, please use this form that I have opened for you.

BEN: Is Rebekah qualified to work at IKEA?
ANNA: Unfortunately, unless it’s answering your IKEA related questions, I can’t get involved.

BEN: I see. Playing your virtual cards close to your virtual chest are we?
ANNA: Here is all you need to know about the IKEA credit card (sends links to credit card info).

BEN: With that kind of cut throat commercial acumen, you and Rebekah will get on just fine.
ANNA: You said it! Don’t forget, I can help you with any of your IKEA related questions.

BEN: I said it. You said it. What a pair we are.
ANNA: If you require specific information, please feel free to contact your local store for further assistance.

BEN: I guess I’m just worried that Rebekah will be ok.
ANNA: You said it!

BEN: That’s rather cold of you. Don’t you care?
ANNA: I’m sure what you said made perfect sense, but unfortunately I didn’t understand. Perhaps you could rephrase your question or comment and I’ll be able to give you a better answer.

BEN: Do you not care about Rebekah?
ANNA: While I appreciate your interest, I would much rather answer questions about IKEA.

BEN: Ouch
ANNA: Please express your statement in a different way; I am not sure that I understood it. Thank you.

BEN: I think you are a mean piggy poo.
ANNA: I am sorry you feel that way. You are always welcome to contact your local store about any questions, comments or concerns you might have.

BEN: Piggy poo.
ANNA: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.

BEN: Well look, it has been an absolute blast chatting Anna.
ANNA: I love all types of music, but I’m not here to talk about that. Please ask me a question about IKEA.


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